


Christmas Challenge

by littlemisscurious



Series: Tom, Emmy, Ben, Ellie, Paula, Max and Sophie [22]
Category: Actor RPF, British Actor RPF, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Challenge, Family, Gen, Song - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-02
Updated: 2013-12-25
Packaged: 2018-01-03 06:20:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 21,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1067094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlemisscurious/pseuds/littlemisscurious
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A little Christmas Challenge featuring Tom, Emiliana, Benjamin and Paula from "River" - 12 one shots inspired by a Christmas song each (or a song that I connect with Christmas)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Quiet Winter Morning

**Christmas Challenge - Part 1: A Quiet Winter Morning**

_song: "Wonderful World" by James Morrison_

It’s quiet in the house when I leave my bedroom. Upon walking downstairs, I peek into the children’s bedrooms only to see them both still fast asleep, their little bodies buried underneath their duvets and numerous cuddly toys, leaving only their curly hair sticking out. Smiling lovingly, I close Ben’s bedroom door again ere I walk further downstairs.

The colourful tiles in the hallway are comfortably warm under my feet and I take my time shuffling into the kitchen. Quietly, I grab a mug from the cupboard and place it under the Nespresso machine. With a smile I take a deep breath as the familiar and enticing smell of coffee fills the kitchen and carefully I take the white mug in my hands when it is filled.

 

Still, there’s no sound in the house and I wonder whether Tom is still asleep or already out for a run but the quiet click of the front door answers this question soon after. Leaning onto the counter, I smile at my hostdad as he steps into the warmth of the house, his hair and clothes covered with a thin layer of snow.

“I can’t quite believe you still go running in this weather,” I chuckle as he joins me in the kitchen, peeling of the top layers of his running gear. “I know, me neither,” Tom winks at me, placing his gloves on the worktop beside him. “But I need this hour of solitude. As much as I love spending time with my children and you but I need an occasional break from tea parties, drawings of flowers and pirates, and blanket forts every now and then.” I nod, understandingly, and take a careful sip of my coffee, relishing the feeling of the hot liquid running down my throat, slowly waking up every fibre of my body.

“Ben and Emmy are still sleeping by the way. So if you hurry up with your shower, you might even be able to have your first cup of coffee in peace and quiet.” “Good point,” he grins, leaving me alone again to go and shower upstairs.

Left alone in solitude, I step towards the panorama windows leading out into the garden. The trampoline, the grass, the wooden patio, it’s all covered with snow, a white, fluffy layer of ice crystals. The neighbour’s cat strays slowly through the garden, its black fur forming a stark contrast against the brightness of the snow.

A little sadly I think back to my own cat, the one I left with my parents when I moved to London over a year ago. Just the other day my mum had sent me a picture of him, of Harold, lying in his favourite spot on the sofa near the fireplace in my parents’ living room. He’s getting old, I know that, and he might not be there anymore when I go back. If I ever go back, that is.

I am happy here. I am happy for the chance Tom as given me by allowing me to stay longer. And even though it can be exhausting to look after two five year olds, it’s also very satisfying, giving me a reason to get up every morning with a smile on my face. It gives me a reason to do my best, to be a good role model for these two adorable little rascals.

And then there’s Tom. He’s been through so much and yet he is so full of life, so full of optimism and love for his children and his family and friends. A smile sneaks onto my lips as I think of the curly-haired man upstairs. He might be 37 now but whenever he’s with Emmy and Ben, whenever he plays tea party with her or pretends to be an evil scoundrel who has to be defeated by a superhero called Ben, he is a child again himself. Reading stories, imitating voices, and acting; it all allows him to escape, to forget, to pretend and to be free.

I admire him. I’m not sure he knows but I do. Many people do. His family and friends and most of all his children. They adore and worship him; their big and strong yet also loving and cuddly father who would do everything just to see them safe and happy.

It’s amazing to be part of a family like this even if it’s just for a little while. But it gives me hope that one day I’ll have that myself; a family, a loving husband, gorgeous children. There is so much pain in this world, so much fighting over details that we sometimes forget to see past the darkness and appreciate the light.


	2. Dance

**Christmas Challenge - Part 2: Dance**

_song: "Christmas" by Michael Bublé_

With a smile I watch her for a moment as she dances around the kitchen, still wearing those hideous pink rubber gloves with fake feathers at the end. Emmy made me buy them during our last shopping trip while Ben chose cleaning rags with dinosaurs on them. Leaning onto the white doorframe, I continue to watch my au pair as she sings along to the music coming out of the speakers of my iPod docking station.

“You’ve got a great voice,” I smile after the last tunes of Feliz Navidad have faded. Startled, Paula turns around, her right, gloved hand now resting on her heart. “God Tom! You made me jump,” she mutters with quickened breath and a racing heart. A slight blush creeps up her neck and cheeks when realisation hits her. “Um…how long have you been standing there exactly?” I smile and slowly enter the kitchen. “Just for a little while. And don’t worry, I love to hear you sing. You should do it more often,” I wink, placing my empty coffee mug into the sink.

Still a bit embarrassed, she takes off the rubber gloves, now finished with her cleaning chores. “You seem in a pretty good mood.” I don’t mean it as a question but rather a statement and she turns her head towards me, her blue eyes shimmering in the morning sunshine. “Yes. As a matter of fact, I am indeed in a pretty good mood. It’s a wonderful day after all,” she winks at me, walking over to the iPod to change the song. “Is there a particular reason for your happiness, though?” I know she had been on a date the previous night and the reason I know it is because I set it up for her. Adam is one of my former cast mates, a bright young fellow and – what a lovely coincidence – single. We had him over for dinner the other day and he and Paula got on to well, I decided to give them a little nudge into the right direction.

The young woman laughs quietly. “Why do you even ask, Tom? You know why,” she grins and I scratch my head, blushing slightly at being so easily figured out. “Well yeah…I just wanted to have it confirmed, I suppose.” I smile at her apologetically and she simply shrugs. “I had a great evening if that’s what you wanted to know.” “I hope he treated you well.” “You sound like my father, Tom,” she laughs again. “But yes, he treated me well and he also made sure I got home safely, don’t worry.”

  

Before I can say anything else, Emmy and Ben come running onto the kitchen, both still clad in their pyjamas. “Hello you two. Have you finished playing in your fort?” Lovingly, I pick up my son who is quite eager to correct me instantly. “That’s not a fort, Daddy! It’s a spaceship!” Behind him, Paula nods a little too enthusiastically. “Yes Tom, it’s a spaceship,” the young woman repeats, nodding vigorously, making Emiliana laugh heartily. “Of course, silly me. So, how’s your spaceship going? Did you meet any aliens yet? E.T. maybe?” With sad eyes my son shakes his head, ruffling up his curls. “No, not yet. But maybe, if we brought some snacks, say biscuits, they’d come and visit,” he suggests, his grey, bright eyes sparkling.

Setting him down onto the floor, I wink at Paula and walk over to the cupboards. I can feel both my children’s eyes on me while I fill two lunchboxes with a few biscuits, some fruit and a pack of cheese strings each. “Alright, grab a bottle of water each, take your lunchboxes and off you go to meet your aliens,” I grin, holding them out to Emmy and Ben who squeal with excitement. “Thank you, Daddy!” “Yes, thank you, Daddy!” I lean down and tap my cheek ere they both press a wet kiss onto it. With happy faces they take their lunchboxes and a water bottle each before they go back upstairs, discussing the aliens they could possibly meet and, once again, Paula and I are left alone.

“They are great,” she whispers, her eyes resting lovingly on me. I nod, my hand gliding through my hair as I look down the hallway where my children have just gone. “And now that you have saved their day, could I ask you a favour as well?” I look back up at her again as she’s suddenly all shy. “Sure, anything.” Paula hesitates, fumbling with those pink rubber gloves on the worktop. “Well, Adam’s invited me to this event and…” “Do you need money? A dress? Shoes? What do you need? Name it.” She quickly shakes her head, her blond curls flying around her face. “No, no I don’t need money or anything. Um,…well, there’s going to be dancing apparently and I don’t know how to dance. Standard dance, I mean.”

Her cheeks are now an endearing pink and she bites her bottom lip while she awaits my reaction. “You want me to teach you how to dance?,” I smile, still leaning onto the cupboard. She nods, lowering her gaze and I push myself off to walk over to her iPod. Her eyes rest on me as I flick through the songs until I find the right one for my purposes. “May I have this dance?,” I grin at her as Michael Bublé’s Christmas echoes through the kitchen. Paula lets out a quiet laugh ere she places her hand into my outstretched one.

It doesn’t take long before we dance around the room, her steps becoming more confident with every passing moment. “We have an audience,” I mumble into her ear, winking at my children standing in the doorway, observing our every step. “Do they look impressed?,” she whispers back with a shy smile and I nod. “Very!”


	3. Auld Lang Syne

**Christmas Challenge - Part 3: Auld Lang Syne**

_song: "Auld Lang Syne"_

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Feeling a little guilty, I enter the kitchen, the heavenly smell of roast vegetables and chicken lingering in the air. In the midst of it, with her hair in a messy bun and a streak of flour on her cheek, stands Paula who has volunteered to cook for us tonight. Not just for us, though, but also for Benedict, his wife Sarah, and their children Matilda and Alfie, who we hadn’t seen in quite a few weeks wherefore an invitation for dinner had long been in order.

“Um, no…actually, it’s all fine,” she smiles, walking over to the stove again to check on the potatoes. “Paula, caref-“ Before I can finish the sentence, the glass lid of the cooking pot, its metal handle hot after half an hour of being on the stove, flies through the air, shattering into hundreds of pieces on the tiled kitchen floor. “Oh damn!” Clutching her hand, she closes her eyes for a moment, the first tear rolling down her cheek after the initial surprise had worn off.

As fast as I can, I walk over to her, avoiding the broken glass and hot metal on the floor to have a look at her injuries. “Hey, come here,” I mumble, leading her over to the sink. Her fingertips are red and scalded and she inhales sharply as the cold water hits her skin. “Leave it under the cold water for a bit, I’ll just tidy up before someone else gets hurt, okay?” Paula nods and I stroke over her back ere I quickly remove the remains of the broken lid from the floor, my eyes flitting over to her every now and then.

 

“I’m sorry,” she whispers apologetically but I simply shake my head. “Oh don’t worry. I’m more worried about you than the interior of my kitchen.” The quiet sound of her laughter echoes through the room ere she turns of the tap. “Alright, you get something cold from the freezer now to cool your finger and then you’ll tell me what to do.” Determined, I grab an apron from the door and fix the bow at the back, my eyes on her, awaiting her orders. A sad smile on her lips, she nods and grabs a pack of peas from the freezer. “I wanted this to be perfect,” Paula mumbles, her eyes on her hand rather than on me. I sigh quietly and walk over to her. “It is perfect. And I’ll try not to ruin it, promise! You do so much for us every day, let me help you with that now,” I beg quietly and she looks up, a faint smile on her lips.

“Daddy, why are you cooking? I thought Paula wants to make dinner,” Emmy inquires as she walks into the kitchen, dressed in a princess dress and a red cape. Beckoning her over, Paula lifts her onto her lap. “Well, Paula was silly and burned her fingers so your Daddy is now rescuing our food,” she explains with a grin and my daughter looks at her with worry. “Did he already give you a kiss on your fingers? Daddy’s kisses always help me when I hurt myself.” Blushing a little, the young woman shakes her head. “No, but I guess I’m fine without it.” Vehemently, Emiliana shakes her head and climbs off her lap again, pulling at my apron. “Daddy, you need to kiss her finger better.”

I turn down the stove and look at Paula, her cheeks still pastel pink, before I gaze down at my daughter. “Why don’t you give her finger a kiss. I’m sure that will help as well,” I suggest but Emmy is having none of it. “No, you have to do it! Come on.” Again, she pulls on my clothes and I follow her, knowing that she wouldn’t stop ere I do it. “Well then,” I mumble, stretching out my hand and gingerly Paula places hers in mine. My eyes never leaving her, I breathe a soft kiss onto her fingertips and she bites her bottom lip. “See, that will make it better,” Emmy grins, walking out of the kitchen, her duty done, leaving her slightly embarrassed au pair and father behind.

Realising I am still holding her hand even though Emmy’s been gone for a few minutes already, I blush and let go, burying my hands in the pockets of my trousers out of embarrassment. “Sorry,” I mutter, turning back to the stove. “It’s okay,” she smiles shyly. “Actually, it does feel better now.” I look at her, smiling myself now at the little twinkle in her eye.

***

“Daddy, Daddy, they are here!” I chuckle as I walk into the living room, my children’s noses both stuck to the window as their friends arrive outside. “Well come on then, let’s open the door,” I grin, doing just that to welcome Alfie, Matilda, Sarah, and Benedict. The children are the first to arrive at the door and after a quick hello they take off their shoes to run upstairs with Emmy and Ben, probably determined to play with the wooden train track we have been building yesterday.

 

“Gone already, eh?,” Sarah grins as she walks up to me and I nod with a smile ere pulling her in for a hug. “It’s so good to see you, Sarah. You look great,” I whisper, holding her tight. I know things have been a bit difficult between her and Benedict previously but it seems as if things were improving between them now, which made me incredibly happy for the both of them. “It’s good to see you, too, Thomas,” she replies quietly, her brown eyes shimmering with happiness as she looks up at me.

Releasing her from my embrace, I pull my best friend in for a hug. “Correct me if I am wrong but could it be that congratulations are in order?,” I mumble with a grin and he blushes a little, letting go of me. “I told you we can’t fool him,” my friend laughs quietly as he pulls his wife closer, one hand resting on the small of her back, the other now lovingly cradling her almost invisible baby bump. “I am so incredibly happy for you. Congratulations!,” I smile at them and, gazing into each other’s eyes for a moment, they mumble their thank you’s in my direction.

“And, my dear Benedict, that means, more mulled wine and single malt for us now that Sarah’s out,” I wink and she laughs heartily. “Right, and I am supposed to take care of the two of you then or what?,” Sarah adds, still laughing and Benedict and I simply smile as innocently as possible ere we walk over to the kitchen.

 

“Oh dear, what happened to you? Did he torture you?” With a worried face, Sarah walks over to Paula, who is still cooling her fingers with the pack of frozen peas. Shaking her head with a laugh, the young woman gets up to greet them. “No, I was just being clumsy again, that’s all.” Shooting a ‘Good for you’ glance in my direction, both Benedict and Sarah hug her warmly while I get the first round of drinks for us all, looking forward to this evening in the company of my best friends.

***

“So, tell me, how was your date with Adam?” Benedict’s question comes out of nowhere and Paula’s cheeks, already slightly flushed thanks to our consumption of alcohol over the last few hours - with dinner over and the children in bed we agreed on opening the single malt and red wine my father had given me - turn an even darker shade of red. With raised eyebrows, she turns towards me.

“I’m sorry, Tom, but how many people have you told about setting your lovelorn au pair up with one of your former cast mates?,” she hisses and I let out a quiet cough. “Um,…well Benedict obviously…and…maybe my mum!?” With a groan, she buries her face in her hands, causing the man opposite me to laugh ere a smack from his wife shuts him up. Paula sighs audible before lifting her head again. “Ok, just for the record: My date with Adam was great and the event we went to was amazing. Apart from being an amazing dancer and a true gentlemen, he is incredibly smart and funny. And he is gay.”

I’ve got trouble not spitting out my drink as she says it but, after the initial moment of surprise, I am the first of us to find his voice again. “What do you mean, he is gay? Why didn’t he say so when I asked him if he wanted to go out with you?” Emptying her third glass of wine with one gulp, Paula looks at me. “Because he felt sorry for me and he wanted to distract me. He’s been left by his boyfriend recently as well so he knows how I felt. But given that I was dumped over 5 months ago, I’d say that I am long over it already. But thank you anyway, Tom, I do appreciate the gesture.”

 

“I’m sorry,”I mumble as Sarah and Benedict leave us alone for a moment to check on the children. “It’s okay, you didn’t know. And we had a great time, Adam and me. Actually, we want to meet up more often in the future, to hang out.” I sigh with relief, realising that she isn’t mad at me and while her eyes rest on the golden flames of the fire, I refill her glass.

“If you’re trying to get me drunk, you’ve almost succeeded,” Paula giggles and I blush again. “I am doing no such thing, my dearest.” I wink at her and she simply shakes her head, her eyes glistening in the light of the flames.

 

“One day you’ll find someone who deserves you,” I breathe after a while and the young woman nods, apparently lost in thought. “And until then I shall drink with you as we remember the ‘good old times’ when life was a little better, hm?” For a moment, I stop breathing, her eyes locked on mine and her glass raised.

 

“Today is actually not that bad either,” I whisper into the silence, my smile mirroring hers as we clink glasses.


	4. Hidden Away

**Christmas Challenge - Part 4: Hidden Away**

**  
**_song: "Hidden Away" by Josh Groban_

A quiet knock on the door wakes me from my restless sleep and with an aching head I leave my bed to find out who demands my attention. Pushing open my white, wooden bedroom door, I see Ben standing there, clutching his cuddly toy, his brown, bouncy curls sticking up in all directions. Without saying a word, he wraps his short arms around my legs and leans onto me, clearly still tired and not fully awake. I smile lovingly upon realising that he came to me instead of waking his father, proof for his love and trust in me, and carefully I pick him up before I carry him over to my bed. Together, we slip under the covers and he snuggles up to me, his head resting in the crook of my neck and, given his regular breathing, he falls asleep instantly.  
I am awake now, though, and make use of the quiet time. A few sunbeams try to sneak into my room through the small gap in my curtains and I smile, looking forward to a nice walk through sunny, snowy London town. The rest of the house is still quiet and I figure that Alfie, Matilda, and Emmy as well as their parents are still fast asleep after the previous night. We had stayed up late, more whiskey and wine bottles had been opened and poor Sarah, sober as a judge, had to do her best to keep the intoxicated men quiet and behaving properly.

Things between Tom and me had been different after Sarah and Benedict had left us alone for a few minutes. The glances he shot me, the way his fingers seemed to find mine more often than usual when he refilled my glass or accepted the bottle from me and, not to forget, the gentle kiss he pressed on my cheek when we said goodnight at the bottom of the stairs long after the others had gone to bed, made me think. Did he really not know that Adam was gay? Had he been merely drunk or did he know what he was doing when he touched me, when he kissed me?  
I’m not at all sure how to read his actions. He is my hostdad, my employer. I am here to look after his children, to help in the household. And I am so much younger than him. Yet, I can’t deny that he is handsome, charming, a loving father, and a wonderful man. But still...I have read so many forum entries of au pairs and hostmum’s alike where the au pair ‘seduced‘ her hostdad and I swore I’d never do that even though Elizabeth isn’t alive anymore. But what if he took the initiative? How would I respond?

With a sigh, I look at Ben, still fast asleep and snoring quietly, ere I press a gentle kiss onto his forehead. I love this little boy to pieces. After having spent more than a year with him, his sister and his father, I’ve grown so incredibly fond of them all, I am not sure I’ll ever be able to leave them. It might break my heart when the day comes to say goodbye. But as today is not that day, I push these thoughts away and focus on the present instead.

***  
As carefully as possible, I extricate my arm from Ben’s grasp. It’s just 9 o’clock but I’m wide awake and in need of a coffee now. Without waking the little boy, I leave the room on tiptoes, my thick, wooly socks muffling the sound of my steps on the stairs. Quiet snoring can be heard from Emmy’s room and I smile as I continue my walk downstairs. The smell of freshly brewed coffee meets me as I reach the bottom of the stairs and inevitably my heart starts beating faster. I am nervous. Nervous that it’s Tom and that things will be awkward between us after last night. Maybe he regrets his behaviour. Maybe he’s ashamed and tries to keep his distance now. Well,...just one way to find out.

“Good Morning,” I smile shyly as I enter the kitchen. Tom is standing by the window, clad in nothing but his flannel pyjama pants, and it takes me by surprise for a second. Trying not to stare at his toned body, I avert my eyes and focus on the coffee machine instead. “Oh hey, morning Paula,” he smiles in return, blushing a little as he realises what he is wearing. Or rather, what he isn’t wearing. I do my best to maintain my composure as I get a mug from the cupboard and place it under the coffee machine, watching the brown, steaming liquid pour into the cup, the hissing and dripping the only sound in the room for a while.  
“Um, did you sleep well?,” he asks so quietly I almost can’t hear it. My eyes still fixed on my coffee, I nod. “Yes, I did, thanks. You too?” From the corner of my eye I can see Tom nod as well, followed by the quiet clatter of his coffee mug as he sets it down on the worktop. With an almost inaudible “I’ll be right back,” he almost runs out of the kitchen and I close my eyes, leaning my head against the cupboard in front of me. “That went marvellously. Well done, Paula,” I mumble to myself, picking up the filled mug and taking Tom’s previous spot in front of the window.

When quiet footsteps can be heard on the tiles in the hallway shortly after, I don’t bother to turn around as it’s probably one of the children, woken up by the movements down here in the kitchen and the repeated steps on the staircase first from me and then from Tom. The reflection in the window, however, proves me wrong and I blush as Tom walks towards me, his toned torso now covered by a plain white shirt. “I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable. I didn’t mean to,” he whispers after coming to a halt a few steps behind me. Taking a deep breath, I turn around and smile. “You didn’t, don’t worry. Not the first time I’ve seen a guy without a shirt,” I wink, trying to hide my nervousness.  
He lets out a feeble laugh and looks down at his feet for a moment ere his eyes wander back up, from my toes all the way up to my face. I blush inevitably under his gaze but still, I keep my eyes locked on his. “Um, about last night…I hope I didn’t do anything stupid?!,” he adds after a moment of silence. Instead of being relieved that he can’t seem to remember the glances, the touches, the kiss on the cheek, I can feel a wave of sadness surging through my body. With a weak attempt at smiling I try to hide it, though. Maybe it’s better that way. “No. No you didn’t. Nothing to worry about,” I whisper before the arrival of Emmy and Matilda interrupts the moment we had. If one could even call it a moment.

***

“…To be honest, Tom, I can’t see a problem with it. So she’s a bit younger. Who cares?” Ben’s quiet voice echoes from the living room and, being in the adjacent dining room to fetch one of Emmy’s dolls, I pause for a moment. “She’s my children’s au pair, Benedict. Who am I to her other than her employer? Besides, after Maya I’m just not sure if I want to risk it again so soon.” I close my eyes as I hear Tom sigh on the other side of the huge double door. “Oh forget about Maya. She betrayed you, I know, and it’s been beyond nasty but not every woman is like her, you know. And who knows, maybe Paula feels the same about you as you do about her but because she is ‘only your au pair’ she keeps it to herself. I mean, last night the two of you seemed to get along more than well,” Benedict replies and I smile a little. So even he had seen it and wasn’t just a product of my imagination.

From where I stand, I can hear Tom pacing the living room before he speaks again, his voice a little more hushed than before. “But Ben, I asked her earlier if I did anything stupid last night to,…well you know…, try to find out whether she remembers anything but she said no. So apparently she’s got no idea I ‘accidentally’ touched her more often than usual nor that I kissed her.” This time it’s Benedict who sighs quietly, although it’s a sigh laced with amused laughter. “Tom, have you ever considered that she might not think these things stupid?” The silence that follows is apparently confirmation enough for the older one.  
Deciding that I have heard enough, I pick up Emiliana’s doll and leave the room as quietly as possible. I’m not far up the stairs, though, when I can hear Benedict’s low voice one more time, this time closer as he’s opened the living room door, his eyes focused on me. “Or am I wrong, Paula?”


	5. Just you and me

**Christmas Challenge - Part 5: Just you and me**

_song: "Winter Wonderland" by Michael Bublé_

If there has ever been a moment in life where I desperately needed a big, black hole in the ground to disappear into, it is exactly this one. Luckily, though, despite the lack of black holes, this family comes along with children whose stomping feet and excited laughter same me from further embarrassment in this very moment.

“Daddy! Daddy it’s snowing, did you see? And Sarah said we could go over to their place today and build a snow family!,” Emmy shouts while running down the stairs much to the dismay of her father. “I did see it, darling. No need to run down the stairs, though, is it?” Raising his eyebrows, Tom picks her up to chide her but the clever, little girl, knowing exactly how to distract her father, simply plants a wet cheek right onto his cheek, making us all laugh quietly while he rolls his eyes in amusement. Emiliana is quickly followed by Alfie, Matilda, and Sarah and I use the children’s excitement as a distraction to vanish upstairs.  
Ben, entirely oblivious to what’s going on downstairs, is still fast asleep in my bed and I sit down on the edge of the mattress to watch him sleep. Sensing my eyes on him, though, he yawns before looking at me tiredly. “Hello sleepyhead,” I whisper and he smiles immediately, crawling onto my lap. I hold him close and kiss his forehead as I get up to walk over to the window. “It’s snowing, Ben,” I mumble, opening the curtains to admire the winter wonderland outside. His eyes, tired and half-closed before, light up at the sight of the fresh snow covering the garden, the surrounding trees and houses. “Can we go outside?,” he breathes, looking at me hopefully. “I’m pretty sure we can,” I wink before I gently set him down onto the ground. “Why don’t you go downstairs because I think Sarah’s got some plans for you children today,” I add quietly and he darts out of my room to join the others downstairs.

***

“No Tom, I am having none of it. We’ll take the children today and you enjoy this day off and do whatever you like.” Sarah’s determined yet friendly stance on the subject leaves me with no room to disagree and after some searching for my daughter’s snow boots and my son’s favourite woolly hat, the six of them are off to Benedict and Sarah’s, leaving Paula and me alone in the house.

The conversation with my best friend echoes through my mind again and it’s only now that I realise Paula must have heard it all. On a different note, I now also realise that I haven’t seen her again since she went upstairs earlier to escape Benedict’s interrogation. I hesitate for a moment, wavering between checking on her and simply leaving her be, finally deciding in favour of the latter to tidy up last night’s dishes.

The quiet in the house seems too much to bear to simply sit down and read. Tidying the kitchen is followed by tidying the dining room, the living room, my bedroom, and the children’s bedrooms until there is nothing else to do, leaving me with no excuse to avoid the young woman upstairs any further. Slowly, taking one step at a time, almost in slow motion, I walk up to her room. It’s quiet inside and for a moment I wonder whether she’s left the house already without me noticing it. Just one way to find out, I suppose. The sound my knuckles make as they meet her wooden door seems unnaturally loud in the empty, quiet house and I flinch slightly at the sound of it.

Silently, she opens the door, looking rather tired. “I am sorry, did I wake you up?,” I ask hastily, already regretting to have disturbed her but she shakes her head. “No, I wasn’t sleeping,” Paula mumbles, crossing her arms in front of her chest. I smile relieved though still nervous. “Um, I was about to start making dinner and I was wondering if you’d like to join me. The children are staying at Benedict and Sarah’s tonight so, um…it’s just you and me.” Realising how that must sound to her, especially after this morning, I quickly add, “I mean, it’s just you and me eating so I’d just cook for the two of us. That is, if you’re not going out. Then I’d only cook for myself of course.” I slap myself internally for rambling on like an idiot and, without even waiting for her reply, I go back down the stairs.

“I’d love to join you for dinner, Tom.”

I stop on the stairs with a beating heart and I can’t help but smile as I turn back towards her. “That’s great,” I reply quietly, internally extremely excited at spending the evening with her alone. Switching off the lights in her room, Paula walks towards me and, still a little taken by surprise by her accepting my invitation, I remain where I am, my eyes fixed on her.

“You didn’t think I’d let you do all the cooking on your own, did you?,” she whispers with a grin, stopping only one step above me and I blush, averting my eyes to the floor underneath my feet. “No, you better don’t, I suppose. Not if you want to survive the evening,” I mumble with an embarrassed smile. I bite my lip as she walks past me, the narrowness of the staircase pressing her against me but the moment passes way too quickly and before I know it, she’s reached the ground floor, calling out my name to join her in the kitchen.

***

With a squeal I drop the spoon I had been using to stir the sauce when suddenly the lights go out for the third time tonight, shrouding us in darkness once again except for the pale white glow from the falling snow outside. “Don’t move, I’ll go and get the torches again,” Tom mumbles and not long after the orange light flickers over the floor in front of his feet. “You stir the sauce and I go and get some candles,” I smile at him, picking up the spoon and dropping it in the sink ere handing him another one, exchanging it with the second torch he had been holding.

I try to calm myself while I roam the living room cupboards for candles. Not only am I alone with my hostdad, my employer, who literally confessed his interest in me to his best friend while I listened in this morning but now we’re also left in a house with no electricity and candles only. “Ok, calm down Paula,” I mumble to myself, picking up some candles to take back into the kitchen.

Without saying a word, I place them all over the kitchen, lighting them up until the room is bathed in the faint, golden glow of the candlelight and, yes I confess, it’s terribly romantic. Smiling at Tom, I step next to him again, our pasta still bubbling away on the gas stove while he stirs the sauce as I told him to. “I think dinner is ready soon,” he says and I nod, my eyes now fixed on our food again.

I’m nervous. Nervous because of all the things that could happen tonight. Nervous because of everything that could go wrong.

Standing here next to him, I once again realise how good he smells, how tall he is, how much I want him to just hold me and never let go. But instead of telling him that, I turn off the stove and drain our pasta, pretending that it’s just a normal night with a friend, a power cut, and candles lighting up the room. Nothing out of the ordinary, right?

***

“Leave it, I’ll do the dishes tomorrow morning,” I mumble when she attempts to fill the sink with water and, after a moment of hesitation, she leaves them be, picking up her glass of wine instead. She looks radiant in the intimate light of the candles and during dinner it had taken me great pains not to stare at her the entire time. That would have been creepy, wouldn’t it? Taking another sip of my wine, I gather all my courage to finally talk to her about what she had listened to this morning.

“About this morning, I…”

“I didn’t want to listen i-…”

We laugh quietly after both starting to talk at the same time but of course I allow her to continue first. She nervously fumbles with the stem of her glass, something I find entirely endearing, ere speaking once again. “I didn’t want to listen in this morning, Tom. I am sorry that I did. I just wanted to say that because…I feel really bad.” “Don’t, Paula. There’s no need,” I smile shyly, my heart beating fast against my ribcage as she looks at me. Is it hopeful? Pitiful? I take a deep breath before continuing. I don’t want to mess this up. I want to get it right, want her to understand me because I like her, I really do. She is important to me, not just as the guardian of my children but also as a friend, a person I can trust, where I don’t have to pretend to be someone I am not. And it’s about time I tell her that.

“Paula, I…I like you. I like you a lot, actually. I’m not sure if it was the alcohol last night which made me finally understand that or the conversation with Benedict this morning, but I realised that you are not just anyone to me. While I am eternally grateful to you for looking after Emmy and Ben so wonderfully and while I simply love having another grown up in the house who keeps me from going mental with those two bundles of energy, I also really like you because of you. You are funny and talented and…and you’re a great cook…” I smile as she laughs quietly, the glow of the candlelight doing nothing to hide the blush creeping up her cheeks. “And you are beautiful and smart and I love spending time with you, whether it’s the first coffee in the morning or tucking the children in at night.” I hesitate, lowering my gaze to the red liquid in my glass before I continue, quietly, “I’d understand if you don’t feel the same way or if you think this is somehow wrong because I am older or because you are working for me. The last thing I want to do is make you feel uncomfortable, force you to leave or change the way you behave towards me. If you’d tell me here and now that I am totally off track then I’d accept that and leave you be. But after this morning, I had to get this out.”

Silence hangs heavy in the air between us after I’m finished and I don’t dare to look up. I don’t want to see her appalled face, her expression of pity or disgust. I am so scared of losing her right now but as she’s heard so much of it already this morning, I simply had to be honest.

For a moment I can only look at him, a little overwhelmed after his confession, before I place my wine glass carefully on the table beside me. With quiet steps I walk towards him, nervous and shaking when he finally raises is head to look at me. He looks somehow sad and just as nervous as I feel, and I manage to smile, just that little bit to tell him it’s okay, that we’re okay.

“I don’t think anyone has ever said something so wonderful to me,” I breathe, biting my lip as he furrows his brows the way he always does, which makes him look like a lost little puppy, making it incredibly hard not to simply grab and kiss him. “But…?” “No but,” I whisper, shaking my head ever so slightly. “For me, there is no but, Tom. I mean, I confess that this is not at all what I expected when I came here and I am scared it might go wrong. But I am not scared enough to not give it a try because I know that, no matter what happens, I’d always regret it if we didn’t.”

I can literally hear and feel his sigh of relief, and his doubts and worries, which had been lurking in the shadows just moments before, are now hiding in the rearmost corners of the house, defeated and with their tails between their legs. His smile, the one that makes my knees weak and my heart pound against the inside of my chest, looks even more beautiful in the glow of the candlelight and when his lips meet mine, chastely, carefully, reassuringly, I hope that, if this is a dream, I will never wake up.


	6. Cars and Dolls

**Christmas Challenge - Part 6: Cars and Dolls**

**  
** _song: "Do they know it's Christmas" by BandAid 1984_

“Ben, can you take Paula’s hand please. And no running off, you two stay with us the entire time, you hear me?,” I say as we walk down Regent’s Street towards Hamley’s. Both of my children nod earnestly, their dark, bouncy curls buried under their woolly hats and scarves. “So, do you remember what we need to buy today?,” Paula smiles at them, knowing all about our little tradition after joining us last year already.

She looks gorgeous today, with her curly hair cascading loosely over her shoulders, her nose a little red due to the cold, and her blue eyes sparkling with almost as much excitement as Emmy’s and Ben’s. “We need some dolls and dolls’ clothes,” my daughter grins, proud at having remembered it. “And we need some cars and trucks. And colouring pencils!,” Ben adds excitedly, clutching Paula’s hand as he jumps up and down. “I guess I won’t need my shopping list after all,” I mumble and she shakes her head with raised eyebrows and a beaming smile.

“Oh we also need some cuddly toys, Daddy. We mustn’t forget those!” Tugging on my hand, Emmy reminds me of the last point of said shopping list which had been custom designed by her and her brother this morning with lots of drawings of the toys they wanted to buy this year. “You’re right, sweetheart. Shall we have a look at those first? They’re on the ground floor, aren’t they?” Both children and Paula, nod enthusiastically and I laugh quietly before we enter the colourful and buzzing shop on London’s Regent Street. Despite the early hour of the day it’s already packed with people, young and old, examining the toys on offer and after quite a bit of shoving, Paula and I decide to pick the children up rather than pull them through the crowd.

The big cuddly toy section on the ground floor is our first stop and, the little professionals that they are, Ben and Emmy scan the stuffed animals, looking for the ones we need. “What about these teddy bears, Paula? They’ve got the right size, don’t they?,” Ben suggests, pointing at a big shelf full with little bears of all colours and we walk towards it. “Ohh, it’s sooooooft. Feel it, Daddy.” Before I can react, Emmy is already holding the plushie against my cheek and I smile. “It really is very soft. So what do you think, shall we get some of these?” Both nod and they carefully select a few in different shades of brown before they end up in our huge shopping bag.

 

“Well, that was quick and easy. Time to go upstairs then.” While we’re standing on the escalator, I quickly squeeze Paula’s hand and she blushes a little. We have decided to keep ‘us’ a secret for now. Not because we wanted to lie to Emiliana and Benjamin but simply because we thought it best to wait and see whether things work out at all. There’s really nothing worse than getting your children’s hopes up only to disappoint them in the end. I made that mistake once and I will definitely not do it again.

“We don’t need anything from this floor, Daddy,” Emmy informs me gravely as we reach the first floor and I nod. It’s covered with hundreds and hundreds of toys for older children, video games, games consoles, and the more complicated Lego sets so we move straight onto the next level where we are greeted with a colourful array of cars and dolls. It’s less crowded up here and I gently put my daughter down, who, followed by her brother, slowly peruses the items on the shelves, always making sure we are right behind them.

 

“Daddy, isn’t there a doll of you as well?,” Ben asks, holding a set of Marvel action figures and I nod, taking off his hat as it’s warm enough in here. “There is but I’m not sure they’ve got it here,” I add with a smile, pulling Emmy’s hat off as well before Paula takes them away from me, knowing that I’ll probably drop them somewhere by accident. “But we could get those, couldn’t we?,” my son mumbles, examining the content of the set he’s holding in his hand.

While Paula follows Emiliana to have a look at the Barbie dolls with her, I crouch down to Ben’s eye level. “We could. Do you think the children would like it?” Gently, I wipe a few curls out of his face and he looks at me with a beaming smile. “I think so. Look, it’s got Hulk and Iron Man and Captain America,” he explains, pointing at each of them. “So, shall we get two of them and then we can have a look at what else they’ve got and in case we need another one, we can come back and get a third? Does that sound like a plan?” He nods in approval and carefully places two sets into our shopping bag before we move on, following my daughter and Pau- my girlfriend- _I have to get used to that_ \- , who have already chosen some Barbie dolls. “Look, Daddy, we’ve chosen a Mermaid Barbie, a Fairy Barbie, and a Prince Ken,” I am being informed by my little one and I open the bag for her so she can place them next to the action figures.

 

“Do we need anything else from this floor?” Being met with shaking heads and flying curls, Paula leads the way to the escalators again, where Emmy decides that she is in desperate need of a piggyback from her. “Darling, I am pretty sure Paula doesn’t want to carry you around all the time,” I mumble with raised eyebrows but to no avail as Paula has picked her up already, looking at me with an innocent smile and thereby leaving me utterly defenseless. I sigh dramatically, much to the amusement of my children, before I ask with a pout, “And who carries me home later?” “I do,” Ben laughs, pretending to be Hulk and I press a kiss onto his hand. “Thanks buddy.”

It doesn’t take long until our bag is filled with more cars and dolls, colouring pencils, colouring books, and a few picture books as well. “Alright, let’s have a look at our shopping list,” I smile, kneeling down so Emmy and Ben can both have a look at it with me. “Have we got cuddly toys?” They both nod and I continue reading the items out loud, each followed by the nodding of my twins. “It seems like we’re finished,” I grin, pressing a kiss onto each of their cheeks while the clap happily.

As I stand up both children examine the contents of our shopping bag one more time and I use their state of distraction to mumble something into Paula’s ear. She nods with a smile, breathing an almost invisible kiss onto my cheek, before she takes the escalator, leaving me behind with Emmy and Ben. “Where is she going?” Eyes gleaming with curiosity, my son looks up at me. “She just wanted to get something for her friends in Germany. We’ll meet her downstairs. Let’s go,” I smile, picking up the bag and taking my children’s hands ere we go downstairs to pay for our purchases.

***

“Emmy, don’t just throw your shoes into the corner. You know where to put them, sweetheart, don’t you?” Stern yet smiling, Paula reminds my daughter of some of our basic rules and, despite being excited already, my little one comes running back to place her shoes properly on the shoe rack. “Thank you, darling,” I smile, keeping it ambiguous whether I am talking to my daughter or my girlfriend and the latter just grins at me before following the children into the living room, where quite a number of empty cardboard boxes are waiting for us.

Having grown up in a household where sharing was always very important, I wanted to pass this on to my twins as well. With so many children in the world whose families are not able to give them presents themselves, it’s only natural for me to help them make their Christmas a little brighter. Just like last year, Emmy and Ben had drawn some pictures this year and together with the toys we bought today, they will be shipped to some of the poorest communities in this world. First, however, we had to fill said boxes and this seems to almost be the most fun for Emmy, Ben, and Paula, who are already forming little piles on the living room floor, each of which contained a selection of toys for a specific, empty box.

“Do I have a say in any of this or shall I just sit here and watch you?,” I grin as I enter the living room and, lovely as she is, my daughter informs me with a cheeky grin that I am indeed not needed. For a moment I pretend to pout but I soon realise that there is truly nothing better than sitting on the sofa and watching my children and their beloved au pair crawl around on the floor, laughing, tickling each other, and simply having the best of times.

***

“Are you two ready for bed?,” I smile, placing the last dirty plate into the dishwasher when Emiliana and Benjamin come tiptoeing into the kitchen, both clad in their pyjamas. They nod with tired eyes and I gently pick them up to carry them upstairs. At the bottom of the stairs, however, I turn right into our living room where Paula is sitting on the sofa, two presents by her side.

“Oh no, we forgot to put those in the boxes,” Ben mumbles immediately, audibly sad and disappointed at having missed them earlier. “No, we didn’t, darling. These are not for the other children.” Gently, I put them down onto the floor before I take the presents and kneel down in front of my twins. “I know, it’s not Christmas yet but you have been so wonderful today and you’ve helped Paula and me so much by choosing all these toys and by wrapping the presents and spreading them amongst the boxes that I’ve decided to give you both a little thank you gift,” I explain quietly, my heart melting as their eyes light up in disbelief.

With a loving and encouraging smile, I hand them a gift each and they look at each other for a second before they place them carefully on the floor and unwrap them. “Aww, it’s the Marvel Action Figure Set,” Ben exclaims with excitement, holding the precious box in his small hands while his sister hugs her new Baby Annabell tightly to her chest. “Thank you, Daddy,” they both grin at the same time and for a moment their new toys are put aside while they hug me and cover my face with kisses. “You are very welcome. Very welcome indeed,” I whisper proudly, holding them close, all of this under the loving gaze of Paula, my ‘partner in crime’. I really am a lucky man.


	7. Winter Winds

**Christmas Challenge - Part 7: Winter Winds**

**  
** _song: "Winter Winds" by Mumford & Sons_

“Alright, time for bed now,” I smile after having allowed them to examine their new toys properly for a short while and they both nod, tired but happy after this long and eventful day. Without saying a word, Emmy stretches her arms up to me and I pick her up gently, her small body still fitting perfectly against mine. “You don’t have to do that,” I mumble as Paula picks up Ben at the same time and she smiles at me. “I know.” Pressing a soft kiss onto his forehead, she leaves the living room ahead of me and for a moment I remain rooted to the spot. “My bed is upstairs, Daddy,” Emmy grins against the crook of my neck and I chuckle. “Oh really? You don’t say.” Playfully, I squeeze her bum a little and she giggles, her arms still wrapped around my neck while I slowly walk up the stairs.

 

The small bedside lamp is already lighting up Benjamin’s bedroom and I take a short glance inside, my heart warming at the sight of Paula and him snuggled up in bed while she reads his favourite bedtime story. Quietly, I walk further up to Emiliana’s bedroom, dark except for the faint light of the moon shining through the curtains. “Do you want me to read tonight or are you too tired?,” I whisper after I’ve tucked her into bed, her new doll sleeping safely in her arms already and her pale yellow bedside lamp illuminating the room. “Maybe just one page?” I nod with a smile, picking up the old, ragged copy of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe before I start reading where I had left off the previous night. I’m not even half-way down the page when her quiet snoring distracts my attention from the book over to her and, placing the bookmark back where it belongs, I put it back onto her bedside table. “Goodnight my darling. Have sweet dreams,” I whisper, breathing a kiss onto her forehead, and for a moment I remain where I am, watching her sleep, her face relaxed and peaceful.

I leave her shortly after, making my way to Ben’s bedroom as well when I meet Paula on the little staircase. She smiles shyly but lovingly and I can’t resist placing a gentle kiss onto her cheek. “Are you going to bed as well or would you care to join me for a glass of wine downstairs?,” I whisper, feeling a bit like a teenager who is trying to hide his date from his mother in his parents’ house. “A glass of wine sounds lovely,” she breathes, hesitating for a second before her lips ghost over mine for the briefest of moments.

“Daddy?” I move away from her rather reluctantly when I can hear Ben calling out for me, probably waiting for his goodnight kiss. “I’ll see you downstairs,” Paula grins, making her way up to Emmy’s room for the traditional goodnight kiss as well, even though my little one is already fast asleep.

I take a deep and quiet breath ere I step into Ben’s bedroom, his little moon nightlight guiding me the way through the darkness. “Hey Ben, how was your story?,” I whisper, taking a seat on the edge of his bed, letting my hand run gently through his curls. “It was good,” he whispers back, pulling my hand to his lips to kiss it softly. “Thank you darling. Now, have a goodnight and sweet dreams.” I bend down, kissing him on the forehead as I do every night and he mumbles a goodnight in return before adding quietly, “I really like Paula, Daddy. I hope she stays for a long time.” I nod with a smile. “I hope so, too, Ben.” Once more ruffling through his curls, I get up and leave the room, the door ajar in case he needs me in the night.

 

I feel tired after this long day. First, our shopping trip to Hamleys, then the preparation of the Christmas boxes, all of it in combination with my little bundles of energy, has left me with an aching back and neck and I yearn for the sofa and a nice glass of wine. Quiet footsteps make me look up and Paula walks slowly down the steps towards me, her curls bound up in a loose knot. “Nice jumper,” I mumble with a grin and she pretends to strike a pose at the top of the second staircase, showing off her Christmas jumper in the process. “I’m glad you like it,” she giggles quietly and I shake my head, still grinning widely as I inspect the piece of clothing. “That’s Rudolph, right?” “He’s got a red nose, of course it’s Rudolph,” she pretends to chide me, her eyebrows raised, and I simply shrug my shoulders in defense. “Just wanted to make sure,” I wink, biting my lip as she takes my hand in hers.

It’s been a long time that holding hands with someone other than my children actually felt this good and this right. I think deep down I had known for a long time that something wasn’t quite right with Maya but it’s not until now, until Paula’s fingers slip between mine, that I know what had been wrong. With Maya I had always felt guilty, like I should not be this intimate with her and talk about my deceased wife at the same time. With Paula it feels more like I have earned it after getting to know her over the past 18 months; like Elizabeth has allowed me to move on and, most importantly, I have allowed myself to move on.

Quietly, we walk downstairs and while I renew the fire in the living room, Paula goes to fetch the wine and some glasses. I confess, I am a little nervous. I don’t want to push things, don’t want to push her, while at the same time I want to shout it out into the world and snog her senseless. Not the smoothest move, mind you, so I won’t do it.

“What are you daydreaming of?” Blinking, I turn my head towards her, aware that a slight blush is now creeping up my neck and cheeks. “Um, nothing.” I know she doesn’t believe me, but she doesn’t question it either and instead pours the red, crimson liquid into our glasses, fully aware that I am watching her the entire time. I marvel at the elegance of her fingers wrapped around the thin glass stems as she walks over to where I still kneel on the floor in front of the fireplace. Her fingertips meet mine when I take it from her and, gently pulling her down onto the carpet, I press a tender kiss onto them.

"To a successful day?," she suggests as a toast, almost inaudibly, and I nod with a happy smile, clinking glasses with her while my eyes never leave hers. The flames, licking on the edges of the darkness in the room, bathe her in an almost ethereal light. Her skin, pale and smooth, shimmers golden in the glow of the fire and her lips the colour of rosé are too inviting to ignore. A little nervously, I take our glasses and place them on the shelf next to the fireplace before I turn back towards her, enthralled by her effortless beauty. Her blue eyes, like a mirror to her soul, betray her insecurities and I smile faintly, somehow feeling a little safer knowing that she is just as anxious as I am. It makes any possible mistakes seem so much more bearable and forgivable.

“I feel like I am fifteen again,” I mumble with an embarrassed grin and she laughs quietly, carefully taking my hand in hers, her fingers playing with mine. “I know what you mean,” Paula whispers, her eyes fixed on our hands. “Maybe we think and worry too much,” I breathe, slowly lifting her chin with my fingertips and her lips curl up in a shy smile. “Maybe we do.”

I can feel her breath mingling with mine, my lips only a few millimetres away from hers. Almost as if in slow motion, her eyes flutter close and I lean in just that little bit more for our lips to finally meet, sighing inevitably at the feel of their softness. Time stands still while we kiss, my hand gliding into the nape of her neck to pull her even closer to me. Her lips are soft against mine and, encouraged by her hands buried in the fabric of my shirt, I let my tongue glide along her bottom lip, begging for entrance into the cavern of her mouth.

 

We both have to catch our breath when we break apart after a while and I stroke over her cheek with my thumb while smiling at her. My lips still tingle from our kiss and I long for the touch of hers again but for now I resist the urge. Almost purring like a kitten, Paula leans into my touch, her lips ghosting over my palm and I watch her with a loving gaze, still not quite believing that this is actually all happening.

***

“My mother is looking forward to celebrate Christmas with us by the way,” I mumble quietly after a while, Paula now leaning onto me as we sit on the sofa, the crackling of the fireplace interrupting the silence of the house. “Will you tell her about us?;” Paula whispers, turning towards me, her fingertips still stroking over my thigh. “I don’t know. On the one hand, I’d love to because then we wouldn’t have to pretend that we are friends only. On the other hand, I don’t want to put more pressure on us.” I wrap my arms around her, letting my hands to come to rest on her stomach. She nods slowly, contemplating my words and silence falls between us once more.

 

“I’m worried they will think I want to replace Elizabeth. Because I don’t. I can’t. I know how much she means to you still and not only because she is the mother of your children. But you spent so many years together, of course she’s got a special place in your heart. I don’t want hers; I could never fill her shoes. I just want a small, little nook for myself, one that belongs only to me.” She has turned around to face me, her gaze insecure and shy, and I smile as lovingly as I can. “I know you don’t want to replace her, Paula. And they will know that, too. You and me, we might have known each other for only 18 months but we’ve lived together all the while and I am pretty confident you know me as good and maybe even better than my other friends, who I’ve known for longer. And just for the record, you’ve got more than just a small, little nook in my heart,” I replay quietly but earnestly, relishing her relieved smile before I pull her gently in for another kiss. “Don’t worry, everything will be okay,” I whisper against her lips, placing my hand on hers which rests on my chest. My eyes fixed on her and hers on mine, we both don’t see the little, curly-haired girl standing in the door, watching us with surprise and curiosity, her nightmare long forgotten.


	8. Hot Milk and Snowball Fights

**Christmas Challenge - Part 8: Hot Milk and Snowball Fights**

**  
** _song: "Jingle Bells"_

“Daddy, I had a nightmare.” Startled, I turn my head to the door where Emmy stands, her white plushie rabbit Pixie dangling from her hand and, as soon as Paula has scooted over to the other side of the sofa, I stand up and walk towards her. “Oh dear. Come here love, we’ll cuddle that nightmare away, won’t we?,” I smile, picking her up and her small arms wrap around my neck in no time. “How bad was it?,” I mumble against her shoulder and her reply is just as quiet. “Really bad. With monsters and everything.”

Tenderly, I place a kiss onto her neck while my hand glides over her back to soothe her. I am not sure if she saw Paula and me kissing and if she did, what she makes of it but my questions are being answered rather quickly by my daughter’s next inquiry. “Paula, did you have a nightmare, too?” I look at the young woman sitting on the sofa, her feet tucked underneath her while she plays with a few stray hairs, trying to avoid looking at Emiliana and me. Upon my daughter’s question, however, she looks up with questioning eyes. “Um…” “Why do you ask, sweetheart?,” I interrupt her quietly, looking at the young girl in my arms. Leaning away a little to look me in the eye, she says, “Because you gave her a kiss and you always give Ben and me a kiss when we have a nightmare.”

I swallow, my eyes flitting over to Paula for a second before I walk to the sofa and sit down, Emmy now safely on my lap. “You know, darling, when two people really like each other, like you and me, they give each other kisses.” She nods understandingly, probably wondering why I am telling her such an obvious thing. “And when two grown ups, like Paula and me, kiss each other then...then it could also mean that they are not just really good friends but a little more.” Her little brows furrow in confusion and she looks first at the young woman next to us and then at me. “You mean, like you and Grandma? You give each other kisses, don’t you?”

I nod slowly before I add, “Yeah, well...you know, your Grandma is my Mum so it’s like you giving me a kiss. With Paula and me it’s more like...Benedict and Sarah?!” For a moment, I can see her think about the comparison I just made before she mumbles, “So is Paula your girlfriend?” I look at Paula briefly and a shy smile forms on her lips ere I look back to my daughter. “Yes, I guess you could say that,” I nod with a nervous smile, insecure about how Emmy will react to these news.

“But why is she sleeping in a different room then? Because Matilda told me that Benedict and Sarah sleep in the same bedroom and that’s why they will have another baby soon. Or do you not want another baby? Is that why Paula has her own bed?” I laugh quietly at the way her little mind works and gently, I wipe a strand of hair out of her face, my thumb stroking over the soft skin on her cheek. “Well, Paula’s only become my girlfriend very, very recently and when you sleep in one bed you’ve normally been boyfriend and girlfriend for a little longer. Sleeping in the same bed as a couple, though, does not necessarily mean that a baby will be on the way soon.”

Internally, I hope she won’t ask about how babies are made right now because, in all honesty, I am not prepared for that talk yet, especially not in front of Paula. Feeling like I’m fifteen again, remember? But luckily, Emmy seems satisfied with my answer for now and she cuddles up to me, her hair tickling my chin. “I like that she’s your girlfriend now. Because that means she will stay for longer.” I close my eyes with a smile, remembering Ben’s words when I went to say goodnight to him earlier, and I realise that I feel exactly the same. I really hope she will stay longer.

Looking over at Paula, I can see the relieved smile on her face and lovingly, she strokes over Emmy’s arm. “Would you like some warm milk before you go back up to bed?,” she whispers and my daughter nods with a beaming smile. “Okay, I’ll be right back.” My eyes rest on her as she leaves the room and noticing it, Emiliana whispers, “Do you think she is pretty?” I turn my head a little to look at her properly and I smile. “I think she is very pretty. What about you?” Her grey eyes gleaming in the light of the fire, my little one nods. “Yes, she is. And she always smells good.” I nod in agreement as I continue to hold her close, relishing the warmth emanating from her body through her pink pyjamas.

"Daddy?" "Yes love?" "When Paula starts to sleep in your bed when she's your girlfriend for a bit longer, can Ben and I still come and cuddle with you in the mornings?" Once again, marvelling at the thoughts running through her head, I kiss her softly on the forehead. "Emmy, you should know that you can always, always come to me, no matter what, alright?," I breathe and she smiles, relieved and happy. Holding her close, I bury my face in the crook of her neck, breathing in the scent of her shampoo and the one that is unmistakably her own. Words can’t express how much I love this little girl and while we listen to Paula humming quietly in the kitchen as she prepares a mug of warm milk for Emmy, we simply remain sitting on the sofa, cuddled up to each other, our breathing, our heartbeats, our every being entirely in unison.

***

“Hello Ben, you’re up early today,” Paula smiles at him as he enters the kitchen, his curls ruffled and messy and his pyjama bottoms hanging almost a little too low while he scratches his belly. Sweeping him off his feet, she kisses him gently on the cheek and he laughs, that clear, bright laughter that warms me up inside as I watch the two of them, my morning coffee standing before me on the table. “It’s been snowing soooo much, Paula. Can we go outside with our sleighs today?,” he asks, while she fixes his clothes with a mischievous grin in my direction. “I am pretty sure we can. But only if you let me sit on your sleigh as well. Is that a deal?” Offering him her hand, she awaits his reaction and he nods with a laugh. “Yes!”

“And who, if I may ask, is going to pull that sleigh then?” With an amused expression on my face, I get up to get Ben’s breakfast ready and they both smile at me as innocently as possible. “Well, I’m not sure about you Ben, but I know someone who is really, really strong and who could pull us all the way through Wandsworth Common,” Paula ‘whispers’ into my son’s ear and I smirk at her as he nods enthusiastically. “Is that so? And who might that be?” Placing his cereal bowl and cup on the table, I walk over to them ere I lean onto the cupboard right next to Paula, my hand resting gently on her back. “You Daddy! She’s talking about you,” Benjamin laughs, stretching his hands out towards me and I take him from her.

“And what do I get for pulling you on your sleigh, eh?” He contemplates my question for a moment, tracing an invisible pattern on my chest with his fingertips, his tongue sticking out of his mouth a little bit. “Um,...you could play with my new toys for a bit,” he suggests shyly, obviously thinking that I seriously want something from him. “Only if you play along with me,” I smile lovingly, kissing him on the cheek and he snuggles up to me, nodding. Content, I close my eyes, enjoying his company for a little bit while Paula moves quietly through the kitchen, preparing breakfast for Emmy and herself.

***

“I want to build a snowman, Paula. Can we build one?” Chuckling quietly, I take a photo of my children dancing and jumping around the young woman, dressed in their thick winter clothes, their hats and scarves and gloves. Paula’s blond curls are sticking out from underneath her woolly hat and her nose is a little red from the cold. With her shining blue eyes and the huge smile on her face she looks utterly gorgeous and I bite my lip when her eyes meet mine for the briefest moment. “Alright, one of you makes the head and one makes the chest and your Daddy and I, we’ll make the belly, alright?,” she suggests and seconds later my twins are busy forming two big snowballs.

Now that Emmy knows about Paula and me, we talked to Ben as well after breakfast and he simply smiled, happy about Paula being ‘part of our family now’, making me even more determined to not mess this up with her. It also makes us more at ease now that we don’t have to hide anymore and I kiss her gently before we start forming our part of the snowman.

“He definitely needs a nose and arms and eyes and some buttons, don’t you think?,” I mumble once we’ve stacked them on top of each other and all three of them nod in approval before my little ones run off to fetch some sticks and stones. “You look cold,” Paula smiles at me, wrapping her arms around my waist and I do the same, pulling her closer. “I’m okay, don’t worry. Although I wouldn’t say no to a nice hot chocolate with whipped cream and marshmallows,” I grin and she shakes her head with a smile. “Of course you wouldn’t.” Smiling innocently, I lean in for a kiss when suddenly a snowball hits me in the side followed by the loud giggling of my children.

“Excuse me?” Pretending to be cross but with difficulties to hide my grin, I turn around to face Benjamin and Emiliana. Obviously they take this as an open invitation to throw more snowballs at me and within seconds I am being bombarded by one handful of snow after the other. “Oh, you just wait,” I laugh and I immediately start chasing them, both running away squealing loudly ere they try to hide behind Paula’s legs. “Hey, that’s not fair.” I cross my arms over my chest and pout at them wherefore they carefully walk towards me. I wait until they’re within arms reach, though, ere I pick them both up with an evil laugh, throwing them over my shoulders while they squeal and try to wiggle out of my grasp. “Hah, got you!,” I exclaim proudly, sticking my tongue out at Paula who is taking photos of me and the children and she shakes her head, laughing. “Sometimes I am not quite sure if you’re not actually 5 years old yourself, Tom,” she winks. “You don’t seem to mind,” I smirk, blowing her a kiss before I set Emmy and Ben down on the floor, covering them both with a bit of snow as my revenge.


	9. Precious

**Christmas Challenge - Part 9: Precious**

**  
** _song: "Angels we have heard on high"_

“Thanks man, I owe you. See you later,” I can hear Tom mumbling on the phone and with a smile on my face I walk upstairs to get the children ready for their bath. “Ben, darling, don’t you think that’s enough toys now? You two still have to fit in there,” I wink at the five-year-old who, standing in front of the bathtub stark naked, keeps on throwing plastic boats and animals into the water. Halting in his motion, one dolphin still in his hand, barely hovering over the water, he looks at me, his grey eyes wide and questioning. “Come on, big boy,” I smile lovingly and lift him into the tub and with a content smile he chooses his toys to play with while the others remain floating in the water around him.

“Emmy, come on. Bathtime,” I call out for his sister, who comes walking up the stairs shortly after, her new doll protectively in her arms. “Greta needs a bath, too,” Emmy informs me before she places the doll in my arms and takes her own clothes off. Lifting her in, too, I hand the doll back to her together with a small washcloth ere I watch them play for a while.

I love bathtime to be honest. It’s our time to calm down after a busy day while talking about what happened at school or what the plans for the weekend are. It’s also our time to bond and just to enjoy each other’s company, giving Tom a few moments off as well.

 

Quiet footsteps on the stairs make me look away from the children and seconds later Tom’s smiling face followed by the rest of him appears in the doorway. “Everything okay here?” I nod with a smile, beckoning him into the room and he kneels beside me on the floor, ruffling his children’s hair lovingly ere pressing a kiss onto my cheek. “That’s a lot of toys, eh Ben?,” he grins, picking up some of the plastic animals that are floating in the water. “They all needed a bath, Daddy. To get clean and to get warmed up,” the boy grins, placing a handful of foam on Tom’s head and together with Emmy I start giggling quietly. “Are you three working against me now?” Raising his eyebrows, Tom picks up some foam himself and covers first Ben, then Emmy, and then me with it. “Now we are,” I laugh and together with the children, we cover him with the white foam until he raises his hands in defeat, begging us to stop with a laugh.

“I give up,” Tom pants, still trying to control his giggles, the bathroom floor around us now wet and covered in soap. I wink at Emmy and Ben who kneel in the tub and watch their Daddy, both laughing heartily. “You better do because you don’t stand a chance against us,” I grin before I pick up the shampoo bottle to get those two cleaned up and ready for bed. I can feel Tom’s eyes on me as he watches me for a little while before he helps me to wash the children’s hair, both of them still teasing him about having won.

***

Just as I lift Ben out of the water to dry him off, the doorbell rings and Tom gets up immediately. “I’ll get that,” he mumbles, leaving the bathroom soon after to open the door. “Who is that, Paula?,” Emmy asks, wrapping her doll in a towel at the same time. “I don’t know, sweetheart. But I guess we’ll find out soon,” I smile, drying her off ere I help both of them to put on their pyjamas.

“Uncle Benedict!,” Ben squeals as the actor’s face appears at the top of the stairs and the little boy runs towards him, his pyjama top still in my hands instead of on him. “Hello young man,” the older one grins, picking him up. “Hey Paula.” “Hey,” I smile a little shyly when Tom comes walking up the stairs behind him as well. “I’ll take over from here, don’t worry,” Benedict winks and I look at both men, slightly confused. “Um, would someone tell me what’s going on?”

 

Offering me his hand to help me up from the floor, Tom wraps his arm gently around me. “Benedict is babysitting tonight because I want to take you out. So, go and get ready, don’t worry about Emmy and Ben, they are in capable hands, and then we’ll be off.” He is visibly pleased with himself after surprising me like this and I shake my head with a laugh while Emiliana and Benjamin cheer at having their favourite ‘uncle’ as their babysitter for the evening.

***

“Where are we going?” We’ve been driving for a short while now, passing through the boroughs in London’s south ere we crossed the river at Battersea Park leaving us now in the smaller streets of Pimlico. Tom looks incredibly handsome in his dark trousers and white button-down shirt and I have to force myself not to stare at him the entire time. Instead, I watch the city passing by outside, people walking along the pavements, bags full of presents in their hands. The ground is still covered by a layer of snow, and the street lamps’ light is being reflected off it, bathing everything in a pale orange light. “You’ll see,” he smiles at me as we’re waiting at a traffic light and I turn my head towards him, blushing as he takes my hand to breathe a kiss onto my knuckles.

 

It’s still surreal somehow, him and me as a couple, I mean. We had been just friends, flatmates, employer and employee, for so long and now, from one moment to the other, it seems, we’re so much more than that. Every time I think of him, every time I look at him, I can’t help but smile, knowing that there’s something blossoming between us and having the approval of Emmy and Ben makes it all the better. I’m still nervous, mind you. This man, this wonderful, gorgeous, charming man, is so much more experienced than I am. He’s seen so much more, he’s been through so much more, and yet, it is I who he is interested in. I, the normal, bland 23-year old au pair from Germany who came to England hoping to find out what to do with her life. Never did I expect to find love.

 

“There we are,” Tom mumbles, pulling me out of my daydream while he parks the car. I look around, trying to figure out where we are but nothing seems incredibly familiar. “Don’t move,” he grins and leaves the car, walking around it to open the door for me. I blush once more at being treated so nicely and I place my hand in his before I get out. “I hope you’re hungry. They make the best pasta in the whole of London.” A somewhat shy smile on his face, Tom points towards the small Italian restaurant on the other side of the street, nervously awaiting my reaction. “It looks great,” I whisper, looking up at him, butterflies causing havoc in my stomach as I meet his eyes, a deep, dark blue in the pale light of the street lamps.

He leans in, his lips merely ghosting over mine until I let my hand glide into his neck to pull him down to me. His lips are warm and soft against mine and I move closer to him as he snakes his arms around my waist, pressing my body flush against his. For a moment the restaurant is forgotten as we kiss under the flickering streetlamp somewhere in a backstreet of Kensington, feeling like teenagers once again. His kisses make my knees weak but luckily he’s holding me tight, his arms shielding me from the cold winter wind until we break apart, slightly out of breath but happy and floating on cloud nine.

“Let’s go inside before you freeze to death out here,” Tom whispers lovingly, his thumb briefly stroking over my cheek ere we cross the street and enter the small restaurant. Candles on each table and small tiffany lamps scattered across the room bathe it into a warm and romantic light and there’s no place I’d rather be when we take our seats at one of the tables by the window. Only two other couples are here and the conversations are hushed, making it all the more intimate. The waiter seems to know Tom and after handing us two menus he leaves us alone again, allowing us some privacy.

 

We spend the next few minutes in silence, both of us focused on the menu, our eyes flitting over to the person opposite us every now and then, though, only to avert them again when the other one catches us looking. Giggling quietly after having caught him for the fourth time, I put the menu card down and smile at him. “Okay, you are distracting me, my dear, and I have no idea what I’ve just read so why don’t you recommend me something.” He’s got this mischievous yet somehow innocent twinkle in his eye and I blush once again when he looks at me like that. “Do you trust me?,” Tom whispers, gently taking my hand, and I nod without hesitation. Waving at the waiter, he places our orders and even though I only understood half of what he said, I don’t question it.

***

It’s late when we leave the restaurant a few hours later and snow has once again started falling from the sky. Tom is already headed for the car when I stop him. “Do you hear that?,” I whisper, the faintest sound of music echoing through the empty streets. “I think it’s coming from the church,” he breathes and I nod, already walking over to the big old building a little further down the road before Tom follows me, his arm securely around my waist now.

 

“Gloria in excelsis Deo / Gloria in excelsis Deo”

Quietly, we step into the church, the familiar tune filling the space around us, causing goosebumps to form on my skin despite the warmth provided by my coat and the man by my side. I walk over to one of the benches, Tom following suit and for a moment we simply sit there and listen to the organ player. “Are you okay?,” he whispers as the first tear rolls down my cheek and I nod with a smile before he pulls me closer and presses a kiss against my temple. “Sorry,” I mumble and a little embarrassed I bury my face in the crook of his neck. “It’s okay.”

For a moment we remain like this, me leaning onto Tom in the semi-dark church, the music still echoing from the walls of this place of peace and refuge until I feel a little calmer. His eyes are on me as I sit up straight, wiping the tears away from my cheeks. Before he can ask, I turn towards him to explain. “That song reminds me of my grandma. She taught me how to play it on the piano just a few months before she passed away and...I still can’t listen to it without thinking of her. I miss her so much,” I mumble, my eyes fixed on his. He smiles at me lovingly, gently wiping away another stray tear with his thumb. “Shall we light a candle for her?” His voice, quiet and comforting is laced with compassion and love and I nod, thankful for his understanding.

 

Slowly, we get up and walk to the front of the church where candles are already burning in front of a statue of the Virgin Mary. Every single one was lit in remembrance of a loved one and without saying a word, we throw some money into the collection box and add two more. His hand wraps around mine as I place the small tealight on the top shelf, it’s flame flickering briefly in a gust of wind coming through a tilted window. The music has stopped by now, leaving behind a comfortable silence only occasionally interrupted by the sound of a passing car on the street outside.

“Thank you, Tom,” I whisper, looking away from the array of flames and up into his eyes. “There’s nothing you have to thank me for, Paula,” he smiles lovingly ere kissing my forehead and after one last glance at the tealights we leave the church, our hands still intertwined.

“Do you think we could hire Benedict to babysit Emmy and Ben more often?,” I mumble with a grin as we’re back in the car. Tom chuckles quietly in response. “I hope so. Otherwise I’ll just ask Mum or Emma or Luke to look after them occasionally,” he winks, leaning over to me once more to kiss me and, by god, I am glad that I am sitting down safely this time.


	10. One Step Further

**Christmas Challenge - Part 10: One Step Further**

**  
** _song: "Driving Home for Christmas" by Chris Rea_

“Paula, stop it,” I giggle, trying to open the door as quietly as possible so as not to wake the children while Paula’s hands are gliding under my jacket. “But my hands are cold,” I can hear her mumble against my shoulder and for a moment I leave the door alone again to turn around to her. Her attempt to smile at me innocently fails as she starts giggling again and I pull her closer to me. “I’ll better get you inside then when your hands are cold,” I whisper against her lips and she nods faintly ere I kiss her properly.

 

“You both do know that there are two bedrooms in this house, eh?”

“Jesus, Benedict!” Startled, we break apart and turn back towards the house where my best friend is leaning in the doorway with a massive, self-satisfied grin on his face. An embarrassed smile on her face, Paula snuggles up to me and I shake my head at the man standing in front of us. “Thanks Benedict. If it weren’t for you, that bit of information would have been totally lost on us.” He wiggles his eyebrows at us and I can’t help but laugh before we follow him inside.

“Was everything okay here?,” Paula asks with a smile while I help her out of her coat. “You mean apart from the food fight we had? Yeah, pretty much.” “He is joking, right? Tell me he’s joking, Tom.” “I hope he is. Because if not, I at least hope he tidied up afterwards,” I mumble in her ear, though loud enough for Benedict to hear it. “Nah, I thought you could do that. See it as a bonding exercise,...you know, a couple thing to get to know each other,” he grins and I simply roll my eyes. “Alright, he’s joking so I figure things were good here.” He nods, chuckling quietly at his oh so funny joke and Paula just ruffles through his hair in response, knowing full well that it annoys him. “Anyway, thanks for looking after them, Ben.” “Not at all. Hope you two had a great evening,” he smiles and we both nod with a shy grin, looking at each other.

 

I close the door behind him quietly when he leaves shortly after ere I turn back to Paula who is leaning against the banister, playing with a strand of her hair. Without taking my eyes of her, I cross the few metres between us, my hands buried in the pockets of my trousers. The house around us is quiet and dark except for a small light burning at the top of the stairs and the pale light of the streetlamps shining in through the windows.

I watch Paula with a loving smile as her fingers glide over the buttons of my shirt until they come to rest on my waist. “So, um...goodnight then, I suppose,” she mumbles, biting her lip shyly. Gently, I lift her chin with the tip of my finger, her skin soft under my touch. “Which bedroom might I escort you to?,” I breathe nervously, my heart beating fast against my ribcage as I wait for her reply. I hope she doesn’t think me too forward but after our date tonight I feel like we are ready to take the next step.

Her blue eyes light up at my question, though, giving me hope, ere she replies quietly, “Whichever one you want. Though maybe not Emmy’s or Ben’s.” I chuckle quietly, shaking my head. “Don’t worry, those two were not among those I though of.” Without another word, I take her hand and walk upstairs with her. Knowing she won’t mind, I quickly step into Ben’s room to check on him while she waits in the doorway, a loving smile on her beautiful lips. I check on my daughter as well before I take Paula’s hand again and lead her into my bedroom.

The curtains are still open, allowing the faint glow of the streetlamps and the snow to light up the room. Her eyes wander around even though it’s not the first time she’s in here and I take that opportunity to watch her instead. My eyes, though, move inevitably to the photos on the chest of drawers behind her. Sensing my distraction, Paula turns around slightly, taking in the array of pictures showing Elizabeth and my children and myself. My late wife’s words still echo in my head when I look at them and for a moment my mind wanders back to that day all those years ago when she spoke to me last.

“Will you promise me one thing?...Please be happy again. Find someone else, love someone else...Please don’t forget how to love and be loved, my dear.”

“I promise.”

 

It takes me a moment to realise that Paula is gone. Quickly, I follow her out of my bedroom. She’s half-way up the stairs to her own room already and I follow suit, taking two steps at a time. “Hey, why did you go?,” I whisper, continuing without waiting for her reply, “If it’s because of the photos then...then I can put them somewhere else. I…” The tip of her finger on my lips interrupts me gently but firmly and I shut up. A smile plays around her lips, confusing me even more, ere she mumbles, “I am just getting my pyjamas, Tom. I don’t mind the photos. Why would I? I already told you that I know how important she is in your life and I am the last person to have a problem with that, believe me.”

For a moment I simply look at her, a bit surprised as I had already prepared myself mentally to have to persuade her to stay with me tonight. Letting out the breath I didn’t know I was holding, I press my lips onto hers, almost desperately, while I wrap my arms around her waist. I let my tongue glide across her bottom lip while she buries her hand in my hair, her slender body pressed against mine. She doesn’t object when I lift her off the ground and instead her legs wrap around me while I slowly walk back down and into the room we had just left. My lips not leaving hers, I close the door behind us, the sign for my children in the morning to knock before they enter.

A quiet moan escapes her lips as mine wander down her neck all the way to her collarbone while I open the buttons of her blouse one by one, exposing her pale, soft skin to the dimmed light in the room. “God, you’re gorgeous,” I manage to breathe against her skin, carefully placing her on my kingsize bed. Her lips slightly parted and her hair tousled and unruly, she looks at me through hooded eyes, her chest rising with every breath she takes. I follow her onto the mattress, hovering over her with my hands on either side of her head, just watching her. She seems nervous and her hands shake a little as she starts to unbutton my shirt. Gently, I take her hand in mine and breathe a kiss onto it.

 

“Darling,...just tell me when things are moving too fast for you, okay? We don’t have to do anything that you’re not comfortable with,” I whisper while she avoids looking at me. I wait for her to nod hesitantly before I breathe a kiss onto her cheek. “Talk to me. What’s wrong?” I lean into her touch, smiling soothingly, as she places her palm on my cheek. “Nothing’s wrong, it’s just...I, um...I guess I’m not very experienced when it comes to...that.” Even in the semi-dark room I can see her blushing and, though I am a bit surprised at her confession, I lie down next to her, pulling her closer to me. “That’s fine, Paula. Nothing to be ashamed of.”

Paula averts her eyes and for a moment silence dominates the room before she frees herself from my embrace and sits up. “Well, but when I say ‘not very’ then...then I mean ‘not at all’, Tom. And I feel stupid because...god, I’m 23 and I’ve never had sex. That’s embarrassing.” Taking a deep breath, I sit up myself, gently taking her hand in mine while I place my other on her cheek to make her look at me. “Paula, I don’t care. I don’t care if you had ten guys or none. We’ll do all of it at your pace. Don’t you ever think badly about yourself for waiting, you hear me?” I can still the doubt in her eyes and even though I won’t deny that she turns me on, I am not going to force her into doing something simply because she feels obliged to do it.

“Just tell me when to stop,” I add in a whisper, my lips once again tracing the veins on her neck down to her collarbone. She’s still a little tense and I lift her onto my lap, giving her full control over the situation while I cover her skin with kisses. Slowly, I can feel her relax under my touch, her hands now once more buried in my hair and I take my time to explore her body with my lips. I care for her too much to ruin this for her, knowing full well how wonderful sex can be when you have it with the right person. And I really want to be that person for her even if it means I have to wait a little longer.

 

I don’t know how long we’ve been just sitting here on my bed, kissing and touching each other but it feels amazing, she feels amazing. Her skin is smooth and warm under my fingertips and her hair, soft and curly, smells of cinnamon and Christmas. There’s nothing better than to bury my face in the crook of her neck, breathing in her scent while I can feel her blood pulsing through her veins; the regular beating of her heart speeding up whenever I breathe a kiss onto that one spot just behind her earlobe.

I want to remember that spot. Just as I want to remember the sound of her voice when she whispers my name. I want to remember the outline of her lips, the way it curves when she smiles and the way it feels when I nibble on it. I want to remember the way it feels when she’s lying in my arms, wearing one of my shirts and not much else, her hand resting on my chest just above my heart. I want to remember the amazing feeling when she kisses me goodnight and how peaceful she looks just moments before she drifts off to sleep. I want to remember it all, every single detail in case I ever need to remind myself that being happy again after losing the love of my life is not impossible but within reach.


	11. Mince Pies and Carrots

**Christmas Challenge - Part 11: Mince Pies and Carrots**

_song: "Santa Claus is coming to town"_

“Yay, I got the mince pie,” Benjamin beams at me, holding up the little scrap of paper with the image of the Christmas treat on it. As is tradition we are going to place a mince pie and a sherry for Santa as well as some carrots for Rudolph on the mantelpiece in our living room tonight and to make things fair, we are drawing lots to determine who is responsible for what. Despite the equal chances for everyone, though, Emmy is less than happy with her lot.

 

“That’s not fair. Ben cheated!” Pouting, she throws her paper with the carrots on the floor, crossing her arms in front of her chest right after. “Honey, he didn’t cheat. You both chose your slip of paper at the same time,” I remind her but she’s having none of it. “I wanted the one he picked but he didn’t let me take it. He cheated. That’s mean, Daddy, and now you take his side.” Raising my eyebrows at her accusation, I crouch down to be on her height. “Emmy, don’t be silly. You either take the carrots or nothing at all. But remember, Santa Claus only gives presents to children that behave nicely.”

Obviously that’s the last straw and without further ado, tears fill her eyes and she starts wailing like a banshee. For a moment I’m not sure whether I should laugh or not as this is rather unusual for her but Emmy doesn’t give me a chance to react when she runs out of the kitchen and stomps up the stairs to her room, shouting at the same time. “That’s not fair, Daddy! You’re so mean and Ben is mean, too!”

With a sigh I listen to the wailing echoing through the house, followed by more stomping feet and the banging of a door. “Well, that didn’t go well. I hope you’re happy with your choice, though, Ben?” Gently, I ruffle through his curls and he nods, holding the piece of paper as if it’s the most precious thing in the world, though his worried face speaks volumes. “Hey buddy, your sister is just being silly, okay? You did nothing wrong,” I whisper, picking him up to press a kiss onto his cheek and again, he nods. “Come on then, let’s finish the card for Santa, eh?”

 

“Do you want me to go up and see what she’s doing?,” Paula whispers as the wailing and crying hasn’t yet subsided after almost half an hour but I simply shake my head, stirring the milk on the stove for our hot chocolate. “No, she’ll calm down at some point, I hope.” I sigh, though with a smile when her lips find mine. We’re quickly interrupted by a loud crash from upstairs, though, and I take a deep breath before handing the wooden spoon to my girlfriend.

“Alright, that’s enough,” I mumble, excusing myself from Paula and Benjamin, the latter of which is still busy colouring in his card for Santa, ere I walk upstairs. Sobs can still be heard from my daughter’s room and I knock quietly before I enter. “Emiliana, don’t you think that’s enough now?,” I say sternly and frankly quite annoyed at her behaviour. My five-year-old, however, still seems to consider her reaction appropriate and answers me with more crying and a sobbed exclamation of “But I wanted to choose the mince pie for Santa!”

Tears are continuously streaming down her face, causing some strands of her hair to stick to her cheeks before she flings herself face-down onto her bed, kicking feet and all. “Yes, but we drew lots and now Ben gets to choose the mince pie while you get the snack for Rudolph ready, darling. There is absolutely no need for you to throw a tantrum like this. Because if you don’t calm down, Paula has to prepare Rudolph’s snack instead.” In one swift motion, she turns around and starts crying once again, more desperate and even louder this time it seems. I didn’t think that was possible, to be honest. “Nooooo, Daddy, nooo! I wa-…I want to do it. Please, …let meeeee do iiiiit!”

 

With a slightly amused smile at her perseverance, I walk over to her bed and take a seat, lifting her onto my lap. Her small shoulders are shaking while she cries and she gasps for breath a few times, struggling to calm down now that she’s worked herself up like this. “Honey, calm down,” I whisper, wiping the tears away from her cheeks, my other hand stroking soothingly over her back. “I want to do it, Daddy,” Emmy still sobs, her grey eyes pleading and red-rimmed. “Emmy, sweetheart…stop crying. I will let you do it, if you calm down now. You are overreacting and there’s no need for that at all.”

 

I let my eyes wander around the room for a moment. Her dolls and toys are strewn across the floor, evidence of her anger at me and her brother and, it seems, the entire world. “Daddy? Is Santa Claus really not giving me any presents now?,” she whispers after a while and I look back at her. The odd tear is still rolling down her cheek and she looks exhausted and timid after her outburst. “I think if you tidy up now and go and apologise to your brother then he can be persuaded to get you something, too,” I reply quietly and she nods, looking down onto her hands.

Without another word, she jumps off my lap and starts tidying away her toys until she stops. Wondering what’s wrong, I move down onto the floor with her only to see that while throwing it around, she managed to dislocate one of the dolls’ heads and, as chance would have it, it’s her favourite, a gift from her grandmother. “Nooo,” Emmy whimpers, holding the body and the torn off head in her small hands, new tears dripping down onto the plastic.

“Hey, come here darling.” It breaks my heart seeing her cry and, I pull her onto my lap, gently taking the broken toy out of her hands. “I’m sorry, Daddy. I didn’t want to break it.” Burying her face in my shirt, she sobs again loudly, her tears seeping through the fabric and I press a tender kiss onto her head, while I remount the loose head onto the Barbie doll’s body. “Look, Emmy, it’s all good,” I breathe, showing it to her and she snivels one more time, not quiet believing that the doll isn’t broken at all anymore. “You fixed it! Aww, thank you Daddy.” I laugh quietly when she hugs me again, pushing us over in the process and I return her hug lovingly, holding her close. “You’re welcome, sweetheart. And now let’s clean up the mess together and then we go and prepare Rudolph’s treat, okay?” She nods shyly, hopefully realising now how exaggerated her tantrum was and together we sit up again to tidy up her room without any further incidents.

 

“Are you coming, Emmy?,” I smile, walking down the stairs why she’s still standing outside of her room, her fingers playing with the hem of her dress. She hesitates, instead gazing down at the floor underneath her feet and I stop. “What’s wrong?” She mumbles something in reply but so quietly that I can’t hear it so I walk back up to her. “Sorry?” “I don’t want Ben to be mad at me,” Emmy repeats quietly, her eyes still fixed on the floor. Gently, I pick her up, wiping a strand of hair out of her face. “If you apologise nicely, he won’t be mad, I promise.” Her eyes are still full of doubt but she nods nonetheless and, holding her tight, I walk back downstairs.

The kitchen is empty by now and for a moment I wonder where my son and girlfriend are before I hear the sound of our piano coming from the dining room. “There we go Ben, well done. That was fantastic,” Paula smiles at Ben when I enter the room together with Emmy and upon hearing us come in, they both look up. Clearly embarrassed now, my little one buries her face in the crook of my neck and I chuckle quietly. “Ben, Emmy wanted to tell you something, I believe.” I walk over to where they sit in front of the pianoforte and crouch down so my children are at eye level with each other.

 

A little insecurely, Ben turns further towards us, awaiting his sister’s words. I know that he is as anxious as she is simply because he adores her so much that he hates it when they argue. Normally, he’s always the one to apologise first, no matter if it was his wrongdoing or hers, because he craves harmony more than anything else. So when Emmy still doesn’t turn around, he makes an attempt to speak but I nod faintly ere I lift my daughter’s head away from my shoulder.

“I’m sorry Ben,” she mumbles and I clear my throat quietly. “I don’t think he was able to hear that, sweetheart. It might be better to actually look at him, don’t you think?” Her grey eyes find mine for a moment and nodding faintly, she turns in my arms. “I’m sorry for being mean to you, Ben,” Emiliana repeats and before she’s even finished the sentence, he starts grinning like a madman, opening his arms for a hug. Without a moment’s hesitation, I put her down and equally as happy, the two of them meet in a loving embrace while I struggle to suppress a relieved sigh as Paula’s eyes are resting on my reconciled children.

***

“Have you made a decision yet, honey?,” I smile at my son while Emmy fills the small bowl with chopped pieces of carrot. Ben’s tongue sticks out between his lips, something he always does when he’s truly focused on something and I grin at Paula, who’s holding him in her arms while he chooses the perfect mince pie for Santa Claus. “Yes,” he mumbles after a moment, picking one of the treats to place it onto a small plate ere he looks at me with a proud grin on his lovely, little face.

“And what about you Emmy? Do you think that’s enough for Rudolph and the other reindeers?” She looks at the full bowl and then back at the rest of the carrots before nodding earnestly. “Yes. Because if they eat too much at our house they will not be able to fly to the next, right, Daddy?” Her grey eyes sparkle in the fairy lights decorating the frame of our kitchen door and I nod with a loving smile. “That’s right, sweetheart. Come on then, let’s bring them over to the living room.”

Holding their plate and bowl each, both start walking out of the room, taking careful steps so as not to lose their precious cargo. “So, am I allowed to pour the sherry then?,” the young woman next to me grins, her arms now wrapped around my waist and I look down at her. “Well, before we have a repetition of this afternoon I better say yes, eh?,” I laugh, kissing her softly before she has a chance to reply. “You better do,” Paula manages to mumble against my lips and I wrap my arms around her with a smile.

 

“Come on, Daddy, come on, Paula! We need to get everything ready before Santa gets here,” Ben shouts from the living room and we break apart with a quiet sigh. “We’ll continue that later.” A promising smile on her luscious lips, she leaves the kitchen to join my children and after a moment’s hesitation, I follow her, chuckling as “Santa Claus is coming to town” echoes through the house, accompanied by my children’s singing.

Amused at the fitting lyrics of the song, I pick up Emmy for a dance while we both sing along, her cheeks a little flushed now.

_“He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake, he knows if you’ve been bad or good so be good for goodness sake.”_

“Everything okay again?,” I mumble and she nods immediately, her arms wrapped around my neck. “I’m sorry, Daddy.” “It’s alright, love. It’s Christmas and therefore time to forgive and you’ve apologised already. Let’s get you both into bed so Santa can come and bring your presents, alright?,” I smile, my heart melting at her excited face.

 

“Daddy, Paula still needs to pour a drink for Santa,” Ben reminds us shortly after and we turn down the music a little. All eyes on her, the young woman fills the small glass with sherry and places it on the mantelpiece right next to the mince pie and the carrots. “Actually, there’s still something else missing,” I mumble, looking knowingly at my children and they both smile innocently while Paula, no idea what I am talking about, looks at me, with a confused expression. As if on cue, Ben and Emmy run out of the room only to return moments after, a bright red stocking in their hands. I watch Paula lovingly, as Emma and Ben put it up right next to the other three and it’s only then that the name which it has been embroidered with, is revealed.

“Oh my god, thank you,” the young woman whispers, one hand in front of her mouth as the fingers of the other trace the letters on the fabric. “Well, Santa needs to know your name, too, so he can leave you something,” I smile, pressing a kiss onto her temple and she leans into me ere ruffling the twins’ hair.

“But for now, we better make room for Santa and his reindeers,” I wink at my children and with beaming smiles they run upstairs, knowing that he won’t come until they are asleep. For a moment I stop in the doorway, looking back at Paula who is still standing by the fireplace, admiring her own personal stocking and with a smile I realise that my wish this year has already come true.


	12. Merry Christmas

**Christmas Challenge - Part 12: Merry Christmas**

**  
** _song: "Silent Night" by Josh Groban_

_ _

“Thank you, Mum! I’ll call you tomorrow!” With a gentle kiss on the cheek, he wished his mother goodbye. It was late, way beyond midnight and after his sisters and their families she was the last one to go home after a long day of Christmas celebrations.  
One quiet click from the door and then silence fell over the house. The entire day it had been filled with shouts and cheers, with laughter and conversation, with comfortable moments of silence between family members who were glad to celebrate together. And for the first time Paula had been one of them.

Looking back at the events of the day she couldn’t even tell why she’d been so nervous initially…

_“Tom, oh darling you look dapper, my love.” A proud smile on her lips Diana stood on tiptoes to press a kiss onto her son’s cheek before she bent down to greet her grandchildren with a kiss as well. Paula remained in the background, meanwhile, shyly fidgeting with the soft, smooth fabric of her burgundy dress, wondering if her coiffed hair was maybe too much or her dress a little too short. Not too long after her worries were dismissed by Diana’s greeting, though, and the older woman pulled her into a loving embrace, complimenting her on her outfit and telling her how glad they were to have her here for Christmas. Little did she know how glad her son really was._

_After plenty of hugs and kisses from the adults and equally excited shouts and jumps from the children, the latter ran upstairs to play with their new toys while the grown-ups mingled in the dining and living room. Quietly, the young woman slipped out of the rooms to check on their Christmas meal, closely followed by Tom who was responsible for the drinks. “Everything okay?,” he whispered, his arm gliding around her waist almost automatically. “Yes, everything’s fine,” Paula smiled in return, although she was still a little nervous. Now that Emmy and Ben knew about them, they had decided to tell the rest of his family as well and she wasn’t quite sure about their reaction._

_For a moment she closed her eyes as Tom’s lips ghosted over her cheek, his hand still splayed over her back. “You look absolutely gorgeous, have I told you that already?” Blushing, she shook her head, raising her eyes to meet his. “You do, Paula. You absolutely do.” The sound of footsteps in the hallway made them break apart and, her cheeks still a little flushed, Paula turned towards the stove, to check on their food._

_“Mum sent us to help you, little brother,” Sarah grinned, her sister in tow. “Does she think I’m incapable of remembering all your orders?,” the actor asked, laughing quietly. “Wouldn’t be the first time, eh?” With a smile, Paula listened to the bickering of the siblings, thinking of her own brother and her parents back home in Germany. They had talked over Skype earlier this morning and even though Tom had said hello as well, her parents were still oblivious to their changed relationship._

_“Would you like a glass of wine as well, dar- Paula?” After a brief glance at Emma and Sarah to check whether they had realised his slip, Tom’s eyes rested on the blonde woman standing in front of the stove. A gentle smile on her lips she turned around and nodded. “Yes, that would be lovely. Thank you!” As he filled another glass with the crimson liquid, Tom was entirely unaware of the knowing glances his sisters exchanged before they all went back into the living room to deliver the drinks._

_***_

_“Ben, why don’t you take your hat off while we’re eating, hm?” A little surprised that he was spoken to the little boy raised his head and looked at Paula next to him before she took his hat and placed it on the cupboard behind them. “There we go, now we can all see your pretty face, eh?,” the young woman smiled lovingly, pressing a kiss onto his hair. “Paula, can you help me and cut this into smaller pieces?,” he mumbled a little shyly as his older cousins did not require any help and he didn’t want to embarrass himself. His sister Emmy, on the other hand, was less concerned about it and told everyone who did or didn’t want to listen to it how fantastic her Daddy was at making bite-sized pieces out of her chicken breast. “Sure, sweetheart,” Paula replied just as quietly and started cutting his meat, oblivious of the pair of eyes watching her with tenderness, the owner of which was none other than Mrs Hiddleston herself._

_“So, how was your first English Christmas so far, Paula? Does it differ a lot from Christmas in Germany?,” Emma asked with a smile and all of a sudden all eyes rested on the young German girl, who smiled shyly in return. “Um, it was really nice. Although it was a bit strange to celebrate it in the morning it was a nice change nonetheless.” “And what about you Benny? Did you hear Santa come in last night?” His big grey eyes sparkled in the light of the Christmas tree ere the boy shook his curly head. “No, I was fast asleep because Daddy said that Santa doesn’t come while you’re awake,” he replied earnestly, looking at his father for confirmation who nodded with a loving smile. “And he did come indeed judging from all the lovely presents you got, hm?,” his grandmother smiled and was met with an equally bright smile from her grandson._

_Paula, still nervous at the beginning of the meal, relaxed more and more with every passing minute. Tom’s family was lovely and the conversation was lively not the least because five children shared the table with the grown-ups. Occasionally hers and Tom’s eyes would meet over their wine glasses and his reassuring smile helped her to feel more at ease as well._

_Seeing Diana’s wine glass standing empty in front of her, Paula got up to fetch some more of the dark red liquid from the kitchen. Tom stood up at the same time to get more napkins for the children and together they made their way out of the dining room until Emma stopped them. “Hold on you two. Stay where you are!” Confused they looked back at her, waiting for an explanation. With a wide grin the younger Hiddleston offspring pointed upwards and they followed her hint by raising their heads only to blush immediately. “Come on, big brother. Don’t pretend you don’t know the tradition that when you meet someone under the mistletoe a kiss is in order.”_

_“Now or never,” Tom whispered with a smile, only loud enough for Paula to hear, and she nodded faintly, yet nervously. Her eyes rested on his while he leaned in before they fluttered close at the feeling of his lips on hers. The room turned quiet as they kissed, evidence that even Emma and Sarah did not expect them to be that bold despite their suspicion after his little slip earlier in the kitchen. It was a short and chaste kiss yet loving and gentle, enough for Paula’s knees to be turned into pudding. “Happy, Emma?,” Tom winked, taking in his family’s surprised faces ere he took Paula’s hand to continue their way into the kitchen._

_They could hear Emmy and Ben giggle among the surprised questions of his mother and sisters._

_“Are they a couple?” “Why didn’t he tell us?” “Since when has this been going on?” “It doesn’t matter since when, Mum. Just look at how happy he is.” “Yes, I know it doesn’t matter, I’m just curious.” “I think they’re a lovely couple.”_

_With nervous smiles Tom and Paula stood in the kitchen, listening to his family’s surprised exclamations at their little coming out just moments ago until his mother’s voice called them back into the dining room. “Thomas William Hiddleston, come back, right now!” Stealing one last kiss from his girlfriend’s lips, Tom followed his mother’s order and walked back into the dining room, a sheepish smile on his lips._

_“Yes, Mum?” “First of all, congratulations my love. We’re so happy for you! Secondly, though, the next time you tell us earlier. Because as Emmy has just told us, this has been going on for almost two weeks already!” For a moment he was a little insecure at seeing his mother’s stern face but not long after it turned into the friendliest smile and she beckoned him to come round to her, which he gladly did, only to be pulled into a loving long hug. “I’m truly happy for you,” she whispered, pressing a kiss onto his cheek, and he nodded thankfully. “Thanks Mum,” he breathed, glad at his family’s approval. “And now go and help your lovely girlfriend with the wine,” Diana winked and he chuckled quietly before leaving the dining room once again._

_“See, everything’s okay,” Tom smiled at Paula, pulling her into a gentle embrace, his hands resting on the small of her back. “You have no idea how relieved I am,”_ _the young woman confessed, wrapping her hands around his neck. “I believe I do,” he chuckled, his lips finding hers again not long after._

 

“So, do you think you could survive another Christmas with my family? Or, as a matter of fact, any other celebratory event? Because it’s always like this. Slightly chaotic, but always in the best of companies.” Gently, Paula loosened his tie after this long day while his hands rested on her waist. “I am pretty confident I could,” she smiled, her blue eyes, though tired, still sparkling in the faint glow of the Christmas tree lights. Tom returned her smile, relieved and happy, and instead of leading her upstairs, he pulled her back into the living room.

Unwrapped presents were stacked under the tree and the odd cuddly toy had been left on the sofa after a play had been performed earlier that day by the children in attendance. Letting go of her for a moment, he walked over to his iPod and flicked through the folders until he found what he had been looking for. The quiet bells at the beginning of Josh Groban’s “Silent Night” filled the room and with a hopeful smile, Tom offered Paula his hand for a dance. “Would you do me the honour?,” he whispered and she nodded with a shy smile, placing her hand into his.

Slowly, they danced around the room, his arm around her waist, his other hand gently holding hers close to his heart. His cheek rested against her temple as they moved along to the slow song, relishing the peace and quiet after a long and busy day. “Merry Christmas, Paula,” Tom whispered half-way through the song and with a gentle smile, she looked up. “Merry Christmas to you, too, Thomas,” she breathed before their lips met in another loving kiss all worries of the morning once and for all forgotten.


End file.
